What is Validation and Why Does Everyone Need It?
Have you ever been accused of seeking too much validation?
Or, perhaps you’ve caught yourself questioning someone else’s need for it. Validation is a concept that often carries a negative connotation, yet it’s something we all inherently seek and value. This contrast raises a crucial question: why is validation so essential, yet so misunderstood?
Defining Validation
In terms of psychology, validation isn’t merely about right or wrong, or good or bad. And the Instagram style of validation is something altogether different.
Validation is about acknowledging and accepting someone’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences as valid and significant. More than just agreeing, it communicates that someone’s emotional experience makes sense and deserves attention. This process is crucial for healthy interpersonal relationships; it conveys to someone that their emotions and perspectives are reasonable, even if they may be different from yours. The absence of validation can lead to conflicts in relationships, ranging from familial disputes to lost friendships to romantic breakups. Recognizing the importance of it should therefore be at the forefront of our daily interactions.
The Deep-Rooted Need for Validation
Why does validation matter so much? It boils down to our existential need to feel valued and worthy. A lack of validation can feel like a denial of our very being, leading to feelings of worthlessness and insignificance. This is why validation—or the lack thereof—can profoundly affect someone’s mental health and self-esteem.
Research supports the importance of validation in developing a strong sense of self. Studies have shown that children who receive consistent validation from parents and caregivers develop healthier self-esteem and are less likely to experience depression and anxiety later in life. Similarly, adults who feel validated in their relationships report higher satisfaction and emotional well-being.
The Role of Society for Personal Relationships
Our need for validation is influenced by various factors, including:
- Societal norms
- Family dynamics
- Personal relationships
Society assigns roles and expectations that can either affirm or challenge our sense of worth.
Families, as our first socializing agents, play a critical role in establishing our foundational sense of validation. Most therapists find that an adult’s sense of self-worth or need for validation stems directly from a sense of invalidation or abandonment as children. This can contribute to later experiences of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and personality disorders.
Romantic and personal relationships further contribute to our ongoing need for validation and understanding. Relationships are where we have one-on-one experience in feeling unheard and unseen, feeling unworthy or unimportant. Collectively, this contributes to our ideas of self-worth and self-esteem and sets the tone for our self-talk.
Needing it isn’t wrong, and validating others isn’t difficult and it can be hugely beneficial for both you and the person in question.
How to Validate Others
Validating others isn’t just a skill; it’s a practice of empathy, listening, and respect. Here are some practical ways to provide healthy validation:
- Empathize – try to see things from the other person’s point of view and acknowledge their emotional experience.
- Offer Support – Provide encouragement and support, showing that you value the other person’s feelings and experiences.
- Positive Problem-Solving – Work together to address concerns or conflicts, demonstrating that you take the other person’s feelings seriously.
- Practice Mindfulness – Approach conversations with an open mind and without judgment to foster a safe space for sharing and validation.
The Power of Validation
By validating others, we affirm their worth and contribute to their emotional well-being. As Laurie Buchanan, PhD states, “When we listen, we hear someone into existence.” This powerful act of acknowledgment can transform relationships, heal old wounds, and foster a culture of empathy and understanding.
Everyone needs validation. It’s a fundamental human necessity that supports our emotional health, strengthens our relationships, and nurtures our self-esteem. By practicing it, we can create more meaningful connections and support each other’s journey towards feeling valued and understood.
