The Dad Bod Edition
Dad bod. Even though it only recently became a mainstream term it’s been a fact of life for men for a long, long time. But what is it exactly? What causes it? And why is it so hard to find the reset button that gets you back to your pre-dad bod bod?
Physical: Planting the Seeds of Dad Bod
Let’s start with what it is. Dad bod is the term that describes the physique of someone who used to work out that, once the kids came along, has…well…gone a little soft.
In researcher speak, becoming a parent is a ‘life change event’ (is it ever 😵💫). A Swedish study looked at physical activity levels during the twelve months prior to pregnancy, during pregnancy, and the first eight months following birth for both the expectant mothers and the fathers.
Among the women in the study there was a measurable decline in physical activity—both in frequency and intensity—when moving from pre-pregnancy to pregnancy and on to the start of parenthood, and this was consistent with past research. The pattern goes something like this: the five-mile, four-time-per-week jogger with no children who gardened on sunny days became the two-mile, two-time-per-week walker with a yoga stretching session sprinkled in when the third trimester watermelon-belly-backache allowed. Then she turned into the stroller-walker mom, but only in nice weather and when the exhaustion wasn’t crippling.
And the men? They followed the same pattern as the women when it came to the reduced frequency of physical activity, but they didn’t change their level of activity to the same degree.
When kids are young and dependent on adults for pretty much everything, an ‘all or something’ mindset is the best approach: doing something is better than doing nothing. That something could be as simple as keeping kettlebells next to your desk to do a few reps in between Zoom calls or walking lunges on your way to the washing machine. Whether your kiddo is 2 or 14 and you’re ready to reverse the dad bod, it’s most effective to initially focus on increasing the frequency of workouts before focusing on increased intensity. And it’s important to start where you are. HIIT, for example (high intensity interval training) can be very effective for weight loss, but don’t make the common mistake of jumping into something super intense that may end up getting you injured or discouraged. Once you have the frequency and intensity where you want them, duration of physical activity should be the last area to focus on increasing.
Nutrition: From Fit Figure to Father Figure
You’re in peak physical condition. Your diet is just about where you want it to be, you have an exercise routine you actually stick to, and your sleep schedule is just that, a schedule.
Then you and your partner decide to start a family. You expect some of these things will change, but your optimism tells you it won’t be anything you can’t handle, right? Then in your first year as a dad your sleep schedule melts into an unrecognizable puddle, a slice of leftover pizza with a 3 a.m. feeding becomes a nightly routine, and your BMI turns into WTF?
It’s not your imagination. A study of 169 new dads called Rise & SHINE detected that somewhere between months 5 and 6 following an infant’s birth, dads’ BMIs were measurably increased, sleep decreased, and fruit & veggie intake took a dive.
There are some things you can do to prevent it from happening in the first place, and this is where discipline & creativity become your best friends.
First is diet management. If you become less active as a new dad (see the Physical feature for proof that new dads do), your caloric intake needs to reflect your body’s different need. And if you crave something during a late-night feeding, have pre-cut vegetables on hand as your go-to snack instead of that pizza slice. Meal prep in batches is another great way to avoid reaching for those convenience foods mid-week when you’re just exhausted. And on the nights when no one wants to cook, opt for the healthy restaurant takeout and resist the dopamine boosting comfort food your body is trying so hard to convince you it needs.
Next is physical activity. Hitting the gym or going for a run might still happen, but less regularly. So turn stroller sessions into power walks and the car seat/baby carrier can double as your kettlebell workout. When you’re in the thick of it, some things have to give. That’s reality and it’s okay. Sleep and a healthy diet should be top priorities because together they influence so many areas of your health. And when you’re ready to reverse the dad bod look—whether your kids are still toddlers or in middle school—having at least 50% of your plate come from fruits, veggies, and leafy greens, 25% from lean proteins, and 25% from whole grains is a great place to start.
Mind: Dad Jokes, as Therapy? Yes.
Becoming a dad brings with it a lot of sudden and dramatic changes—and maintaining your sanity requires a new set of tools. Two different studies looked at the decreases in social connections and physical activity that are inevitable facts of fatherhood and how they affect a dad’s mind health.
New dads undergo the immediate swap of meeting up with friends for nursery rhymes and nighttime feedings. Just as sudden is the loss of gym time to make way for diaper changing, bathing and swaddling. Hits to your sleep, your diet, and your physical activity can inevitably lead to a hit to your mental health. And not recognizing or addressing this can mean that you sink into longer term mental health issues that persist long after the potty-training phase.
These studies stress the importance of managing your way through these changes by sharing your feelings and discussing any struggles as they arise (they most certainly do not get better with age), prioritizing self-care activities along the way, and meeting the chaos with humor—humor about the situation, humor about your occasional blunder, and humor about the utter ridiculousness new parents go through together. And recognizing that perfection is not the target is essential to keeping your mind healthy, not just during the transition into parenthood, but as a parent over the long haul.
Connection: Tiny Humans, BIG Changes
Babies make LOTS of things in life better. They’re also exhausting—like ache to the bone, I simply can’t go on, no light at the end of the tunnel kind of exhausting (teenagers are too, but with more arguments and fewer naps!).
Sleep deprivation, mismatched schedules, and arguments over things like who got less sleep last night and who changed the most diapers (or who changed the most disgusting diaper) don’t take long to start tugging at even the strongest partnerships.
There have been a lot of studies on this topic with a lot of different approaches and some common limitations. But consistent among them is the measurable decline in relationship satisfaction between parents and that the dissatisfaction sets in on different timelines for moms than for dads. Moms start to feel it almost immediately, but dads don’t start feeling the disturbance in The Force until six months to more than a year after their bundle of joy arrives.
What to do? Communicate—and try to find the humor in the situation. Also make sure you’re practicing the relationship triangle: you and one-on-one time with your child to allow your partner free time, your partner and one-on-one time with your child so you can have free time, and equally if not more important, kid-free one-on-one time with your partner. The important thing here is to use your scarce free time doing things that benefit your overall health. Maybe it’s a nap, maybe it’s going to the gym, or maybe it’s meeting up with a few friends. It’s important that whatever you choose, you steer clear of activities that subtract from your health. Look for activities that are a fountain, not a drain.
