How to Display Healthy Self-Confidence
Displaying healthy self-confidence may be one of the most personally difficult things to do. The reason why is a three-part puzzle. First, you have to have self-confidence. Second, there are a million voices around us daily telling us why we shouldn’t be confident in ourselves. And third, many of us have a misunderstanding of what self-confidence means to begin with. Combine these, and you have a cocktail of confusion that keeps us in a wobbling, slurred fog, unable to display self-confidence in a healthy way.
So, how do we display healthy self-confidence?
Simple.
Trust yourself, be yourself, and love yourself…and try not to be a jerk in the process.
This sounds easier said than done, and you’re right, it is.
But why is that? Let’s dive into it!
We begin with the basics and a quote from the ancients. Socrates once said, “The beginning of wisdom is a definition of terms.” So, to get anywhere, we must have a clear understanding, and societal misunderstandings and misrepresentations have made a lot of people shrink themselves to something unrecognizable, and it has turned others into loud jerks.
Self-confidence is a feeling of trust in one’s ability, qualities, and judgment.
That’s all. That’s it.
Self-confidence has nothing to do with what you smell like, what you wear, or performing in an oftentimes gendered or stereotypical or social media-manufactured manner. What makes self-confidence such an elusive conundrum is one keyword – trust.
Most people lack trust and belief in themselves, so they don’t have self-confidence to begin with.
Lacking self-confidence comes from many places:
- Growing up without positive reinforcement and with constant criticism in its place
- Lack of self-awareness
- Negative experiences
- Negative internal self-talk
- Mental health issues
The above examples are internal and personal reasons why someone may lack self-confidence, but external influences are another monster that tears at us at every turn.
External influences that deepen self-doubt are:
- Comparing ourselves to others
- Social media – which is an eternal loop of extreme, unrealistic standards, expectations, and comparisons
- TV/content media where personas are, at least to a degree, manufactured
- Marketing and advertising
Lastly, since we’ve defined what self-confidence is, let’s quickly discuss what it isn’t.
To end the continued misunderstanding and misrepresentation, self-confidence is not:
- Being cocky, smug, arrogant, or conceited
- Being overbearing, domineering, and controlling
- Performing the way some book, podcast, or Instagram guru tells you to because they are trying to sell you something. “To be a confident man, you have to be alpha and assert dominance and blah blah blah.”
What is often hidden or unspoken is that self-confidence is quiet, and it’s quiet because it’s not based on performance or calculated actions, but self-confidence is based on trusting yourself, being yourself, loving yourself…and not being a jerk.
There are tangible things you can do to display a healthy self-confidence:
- Improve your level of self-confidence. Reflect and evaluate why you may have a negative self-image or self-doubt. Begin doing things that positively affirm you, like positive self-talk, mantras/affirmations, or daily activities that contribute to health and well-being like eating a healthy diet, exercising, and reading and journaling.
- Stop trying to perform acts of self-confidence and just be confident. Do what comes naturally while obeying basic courtesies and good manners. If you are knowledgeable at work or in a field, then speak up and contribute when the situation arises and do so in an appropriate way.
- Block out negative media imagery that forces you to compare yourself to others, or that makes you feel insecure, i.e., social media and commercials. Unsubscribe, unfollow, and leave it behind.
- This is a bonus – Improve yourself. It’s okay if there are things you can improve on or things you aren’t good at. Just work on them to get better and frame your self-work as a positive thing. Don’t look at it as being bad at something; look at it as an opportunity to get better. When self-improvement isn’t viewed as a negative self-indictment but as something positive and constructive, self-improvement has a better chance, and self-confidence increases.
Displaying healthy self-confidence isn’t difficult, it just requires taking a step back to observe how we’ve been mistaken and misinformed for so long. Once you self-reflect and build confidence, block out the negative imaging, and define confidence for yourself, you’ll be able to trust yourself, love yourself, and finally, just be yourself…and you won’t be like the jerks.
